Stop Divorce - Severe problems?

What if your problems are severe? Though you both really want to fix them, you have no idea where to begin. You may want to consider professional help. Though, if you are going to take this route it is wise to thoroughly research the person or group you plan to use.

Even if the marriage counselor or family therapist is professionally skilled and devoted to his or her clients, you may find that you do not ‘click’ with their style or techniques. Your marriage is very personal to you and you need to feel comfortable with the person you choose to help you resolve your problems. When you consider the statistics, a recent study revealed that about one third of those actively working on marriage issues, chose to involve a counselor.

Some of these instances involved one spouse attending therapy, others involved couples therapy.

Stop Divorce Basics

Don’t Grow Apart…Grow Together - Prevent Divorce

There are as many reasons for divorce, as there are married couples! However, you might be surprised to learn that one of the most common reasons for divorce is nothing as dramatic as spousal abuse, or drinking or drug addiction.

Many couples just grow apart. This issue is very common in couples that marry young, and it is easy to understand. At age eighteen or twenty, a blushing bride or proud groom has barely come adulthood, and is certainly not mature.

Interests and direction are still evolving. And, when that evolution begins to slow and the couple find themselves in their thirties or forties, they may suddenly discover that they have grown apart.

Though many young couples think that romance will keep them together forever, a solid relationship – one that will last for thirty, forty or fifty years of married life – is based on friendship, common interests, romance and much more.

If you find yourself at age forty with nothing in common with your spouse, you may feel like strangers. Maybe you’ve run out of things to talk about – other than your children – or you find yourself alone on a Saturday afternoon, trying to remember what to say.

This is not to suggest that you must buy a rifle and get to a practice range if your husband is an avid hunter. Nor should a husband take up gourmet cooking if that is his wife’s hobby. Though, some really dedicated husbands and wives HAVE taken on the challenge of jumping in with both feet!

If you want to give that a try, more power to you! Just be sure that it doesn’t backfire. If you decide to acquire a new interest or skill just to please your spouse, be sure you are really committed to this idea or you will end up resenting your spouse for the time and effort you invest.

And try not to waste the investment by abandoning the activity. Your spouse will be very happy to know you have taken an interest but, if you drop out, it will look as though you really didn’t care all that much!

Here are some other ideas you can consider, if you are looking for ways to share your interests and bond with your spouse.

If you don’t want to take on something that interests your spouse, and jump in with both feet, you can still ‘share’ your thoughts and let them know you noticed what is important to them.

For example, clip an article out of the paper on your husband’s favorite football team, or record a TV appearance by your wife’s favorite actor. Better yet, read a newspaper article about something that interests your spouse and talk to them about it over dinner. Ask them questions about what you read and what they know about the topic and watch their face light up.

Listen to your spouse talk about their favorite subject or hobby and, instead of shutting them down, try to hear ‘clues’ in what they say about what makes them interested in the subject.

Talk to them about what YOU find interesting in the subject. For example, if your husband belongs to a book club and he always talks about the books he is reading, ask him about his favorite authors or what kinds of books he likes best – mystery, suspense, sci-fi.

If you can’t share the interest, at least show your spouse that you respect and honor it. Register your gourmet cook spouse in a local session with a famous chef or find a website or a recipe you think will interest them.

A particularly effective and favorite way to develop a common interest is to look at what interests the both of you now. Then try to find a common area or a ‘type’ of activity you both like.

An example might be if both of you like sports, but you don’t have a sport in common.

Perhaps you bowl and you work out at the gym, and your wife runs. So, you are both in good physical condition and you both like to be active. Maybe you’d like to take a sailing course together.

Eventually, you might even buy a boat if you both like the activity. But, for right now, start small.

Read more about how to prevent divorce on the Stop Divorce Pages, we have a lot of articles and divorce prevention advice.

Prevent Divorce

Your marriage is in trouble, and you know that even though you want to get it all over with that you still love your partner and that you will probably regret your actions in the near future, the action needed is clear- you need to prevent divorce.

Divorce is not the answer, and rushing into one is a big mistake, the divorce process will eliminate your chances of rebuilding your relationship, so you better consider this move carefully and be absolutely sure that you have exhausted all the means and ways to improve your relationship.

Your spouse does not understand you, and both of you are not communicating any more, it seems as though there is a huge gap between you, that even the smallest things makes you upset about each other, and that what was once easy and fun has now become unbearable. Preventing divorce is not about compromise, preventing divorce is about rediscovering your relationship.

The changes in relationships seem almost impossible, from once passionate lovers that could not bare being apart couples change into two different people that sometimes seek the opportunity to be as separate from one another as possible. The dangers of the growing distance between couple raises questions in their minds and in many cases this ends in a divorce.

Every person is different, every couple has its own unique story, but the bottom line is usually this – one or both partners think that it is impossible to turn the relationship into something that will flourish again, with the hope of regaining the love of the other lost the partners turn into the simplest and what seems like the easiest solution, instead of fighting and arguing over and over again, the clean cut divorce looks like a good solution.

Sometimes and in some cases this is probably the best way to go, divorce for some couples is the best answer to a hopeless situation. But if you are one of the many people who feel that not all hope is gone and that you wish to continue building the relationship you have with your partner, who at a certain time was the closest to you, this is the place to start looking inwards and outwards and work to regain your harmoniums loving relationship once again.

Good relationships start with good communication, it is almost sure that you once had a relationship with good communication, you can probably remember the days when you didn’t have enough time with your spouse to talk about all the plans you had for your life and to share your thoughts? How long has it been now? How many years since you last had a really good communication exchange? After you’ve exhausted the discussion about the children’s schedule, who has to drop off the dry cleaning and when you will visit your in-laws, do you find yourself at a loss for words?

You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with either of you. You are probably just mired in everyday life and because your daily schedule is so hectic, over the years you simply ran out of time for casual and enjoyable discussion. And, now you can’t even remember how to even talk to your spouse, stopping or preventing a divorce will mean that you will need to rethink the way you communicate.

Good communication is not so hard and it is vital for preventing a divorce, it is just plain simple work, until you get used to it. Instead of talking about the regular things, you will need to think a little harder and try a lot harder. Talk about real things, not the work routine and the children’s activities think of things you want to talk about, you’ll find yourself anxious to get home to share the information with your spouse. Avoid the topics that do not interest you spouse, remember that this is about the both of you, and what you find interesting, just finding this topic will earn you points for trying, do not plan ahead too much – just let yourself into a discussion about things you have not discussed for long.

Listen to the news in the morning or on your way to work. When you are listening, try to focus on those things you think your spouse would find interesting. What would she tell you about? Then ask her if she heard the story, and what she thought about it.

Talk about things you want to plan or do over the next month or two. Vacation planning is a good topic, but only if you are both looking forward to going and if you are both actively involved in planning for the vacation.

Preventing divorce is a complicated issue – not impossible one. You will need to invest time and energy into you marriage now, and do everything you can to prevent divorce. Good luck!.

More on Preventing Divorce on the Stop divorce pages.